He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
