Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
