Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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