I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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