Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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