we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
