I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize