YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
