bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
