hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
