i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
