I just cut my nipple shaving
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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