My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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