Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
