I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
