hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
