so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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