anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
