Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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