I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
