he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
