I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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