I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
