make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
