I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
