Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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