i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
