if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
