Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
