Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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