it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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