FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
