I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
