Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
