Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
