I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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