I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
