Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize