I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The power of my boobs compel you
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
