lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
