ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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