I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
