and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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