Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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