I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
