I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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