well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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