Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
