Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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