We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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