i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
