I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
