At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
