if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
