So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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