I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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