the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
