Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
