I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
