New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
