i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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