and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
