My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
