So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
