shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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