I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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