i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
