the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
