don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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