her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
